Moms, Setting Boundaries and Determining Your Non-Negotiables is Essential for Your Mental Health
Mental health is something that's often ignored until it's too late. For many moms, the pressures of everyday life are just too much causing your capacity to deal with stressors to decrease and the risk for mental health concerns to increase.
The problem is that it's not obvious when this is about to happen and it can creep up on you so slowly. You may find yourself being easily frustrated, lashing out on loved ones and just feeling like you're in a crap mood.
We all have our ups and downs, but if you feel like your downs are lasting longer and affecting your day-to-day life more than they should, then it's time to set some boundaries.
Mental health concerns such as anxiety, depression, and stress can take over your life if you let them. By setting boundaries to protect your mental health, you’ll be able to recognize when things start getting out of hand again.
Here are some ways to help protect your mental health so that you can keep these issues at bay without sacrificing your sanity:
Know your non-negotiables
One of the most important ways to protect your mental health is to know what your non-negotiables are.
Your non-negotiables are what you refuse to compromise with.
For example, I have a Sunday morning non-negotiable. I look forward to my weekends because during the week, it's so busy. The weekends are when I can truly work on my business, cook, clean and spend time with my son. However, Sunday mornings is my time for self care. EVERY Sunday morning, I make time for peace and quiet with my coffee and a good book. I selected Sundays because it's the day that my sons dad and I are both home. If it's my morning to make breakfast I get that out of the way first but if it's Kam's turn to make breakfast..that's more time for me!
In order to determine your non-negotiables, you have to process and think about what you want and what goal you're trying to achieve. My Sundays are my guaranteed day to prioritize my self care but that may not work for you. If it's not possible for you to change any of these things and meet your needs, then this is something you should consider as a non-negotiable.
If you currently don't know what your non-negotiables are, start by making an inventory of all the things that feel out of reach for you right now. Then, cross out anything on the list that doesn't provide significant relief for your stress or anxiety. This will help show which areas might be contributing to your mental health problems and should be addressed first. You'll also be able to see where there may be other areas in your life that could use some work or change to better support your mental health needs.
Communicate your needs to your supports
The things about setting boundaries is, they mean nothing until you have to enforce them. I can set a boundary to have the first 2 hours of a Sunday morning to myself but if I do not discuss this with my partner or communicate that this is essential, it will never happen. I will easily push my needs to the side and be internally frustrated while watching Paw Patrol.
Not communicating or being firm in your boundaries and non-negotiables is a sure way for it to NEVER WORK OUT.
When communicating your needs to your loved ones, I recommend using "I" statements. This can be a touchy subject to people..change can be hard. You're literally going up to someone saying, "I can no longer handle how things are, we need to make changes so I won't end up exploding on you" 😅 Well I mean like that's the gist of what you're saying lol
But what I mean is, make it about you, because it is. Because you’re speaking from experience and stating how you feel, the other person can’t argue the point you’re making.
Establish routines and rituals
There are a lot of things that need to be done in a day, and it can make you feel like you're always busy. But if you establish routines and rituals, it'll help you reach your goals more easily.
Routine helps keep your life organized and gives you the chance to take a deep breath every now and then. You don't want every decision to be made on the spot – that'll just stress you out even more. If you set rituals for yourself, it'll also make things easier because these are specific activities or habits that have meaning for you. Rituals make your days a little more predictable.
A routine will leave minimal room for error or for things to exacerbate becoming overwhelming.
Whether it's going for a walk everyday or reading before bed, it's important to have some kind of ritual so that your life feels balanced. Plus, they'll provide some sense of stability in your day-to-day life.
Somethings are out of our control but we can create systems that work for us.
Don’t be afraid to say no
We say yes to things because we don’t want to let people down. But, saying yes all the time eventually starts to take a toll. You don't owe anyone an explanation for why you're saying no. If something is too much for you and your mental health is at stake, then it's okay to say "no."
Setting boundaries is key for your mental health
Mental health is important and something that should be given just as much attention as your physical health. When you set boundaries for yourself, you'll be able to recognize when things start getting out of hand again. It's easy to get stuck in a rut if you're not careful, but by setting boundaries for yourself and protecting them, it may help you find a better balance in life.
Setting boundaries is a lifestyle practice. The only way it can truly be effective in your life is to be consistent.
